I had 2 miscarriages, 2 years apart. The first miscarriage, I was only 9 weeks. We have no idea why it happened. The baby just didn't continue forming. I always felt very strongly that it was a boy, so we decided to name him Aidan. Then in 2011, I got pregnant again. We were so happy, and scared. Afraid to tell people too soon, because of the previous miscarriage, but we didn't wait long to tell the world! The pregnancy began just as my other ones. I was so sick I was bedridden. Then, at 13 weeks, I started to feel the baby kick. 13 weeks?! That was so soon! But there was no denying it. Once you feel your baby move, all of a sudden it becomes so real. Not that it wasn't before, but when you can feel the life inside of you moving, it changes everything! I started showing quickly, which is exciting. There is always a point early on in your pregnancy where you just feel like you look fat! It's not quite a bump, it's a little pudgy...so you stick your gut out, just so people will think your pregnant :)
I couldn't wait to find out if the baby was a boy or a girl. Of course, I knew it was a girl...no matter what anyone said. Our doctor told us it would be at our 19 week appointment that we could find out the gender. But at 16 weeks, my stomach stopped growing. It was a strange feeling. My baby wasn't kicking me anymore, and I wasn't sick anymore. It felt like my stomach was deflating. People would say "Wow!! You don't look that pregnant!" My 19 week appointment came around, and I was terrified of going inside the imaging room. As I lay down, the technician began the ultrasound but she didn't say a word. Eventually, she left the room, in what looked to me, in tears. Someone else came back into our room and asked us to go to the building next door where our Dr. was, so we could talk to him. They wouldn't tell us what was wrong, which only meant one thing.
Once we arrived, they took us back to a room and told us the news. Our baby had died, at what seemed to be 16 weeks.
I broke down. I couldn't believe this was happening again. I was so angry and sad and confused.
They told me they couldn't get me in for another 10 days to deliver my baby. So just a few days after mother's day, I had to give birth to my dead child. It was just like any labor and delivery. I had to get to the hospital at 5 in the morning so they could begin the process. Eventually my contractions began. They were so excruciating and I had no idea how long it would last or if it would get any worse, so I asked for an epidural. But as they were walking in the door, I delivered my child.
They swept the baby away to be cleaned and tested. Eventually they came back into my room and told us it was a girl. They brought her to me wrapped in a baby blanket and let us be with her. At only 16 weeks gestation, she had eyes, a nose, itty bitty fingers and toes, and lean long legs.
After a while we let my children come see her. They were so mature about the whole situation. They asked lots of questions, touched her hand and cried with me. During the week leading up to delivery, I battled whether or not I wanted pictures. In the end, we decided to do so, and are so glad we did.
Soon, the doctor came and told us that it looked like she wasn't getting fed, because her umbilical cord was shredded as it entered her stomach. That there was nothing we could have done, and sometimes these things happen.
A week later on a stormy, rainy day, we buried our precious Piper Isabella Price.
To this day, anytime someone asks my children how many brothers and sisters they have, they always include both babies. Just the other day, we were flying back from a wonderful Disney World vacation, and someone asked my son about his family.... and he immediately started talking about Piper and Aidan, and how they were in heaven.
I will always be grateful that I was able to carry my little ones, if only for a little while.
My two precious babies, who so early on became citizens of heaven, will forever hold a special place in my heart. It brings me peace to know that from the instant that they left this world, they were in the arms of Jesus with no chance for hurt, pain, despair, or tears.
For those of you who have ever lost a child... whether you only carried him for a day, if he hadn't left the womb yet, whether he only survived for a few seconds, a few days, or a few years.
You are still a mother... You are still a mother... You are still a mother.
Your child mattered.
During your despair, people normally don't ever say the right thing. Forgive them. They do not understand. They can't begin to fathom the gut wrenching feeling of losing a child. They may say something hurtful...forgive them. The Lord is your Comforter, and your Healer, not people.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. - Psalm 139:13-16
Mother's Day is always a bittersweet day. But I want to share with you a song that brings me to tears, but still gives me the joy that one day I will see them again, and spend eternity with our Lord and Savior.
https://youtu.be/qmrXdjilmaY
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