God's Grace

    There has been a lot of sass in the Price house this morning, so I need God's grace. I need His Spirit to be ever present in my day.  Did I seek Him first this morning? No.  I wanted to....but I didn't.  I think when we are consumed by our busyness or frustrations the first thought we have is to 'fix it' ourselves, rather than going to the One that can restore it all.

  

How can I stop myself in my tracks and shift the direction of my day?

    A way that I can seek the Lord is to focus on what the fruits of His spirit are: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. 

A few months back I went through these and defined them. I wanted to see the meaning of each of them and to truly understand how His fruits are in me. Even when I was having a bad day His Spirit was still within me, so I could still pull these out and be grace filled. As a believer in the Lord, His fruits are within you. Think about these things daily (all day).  

Is what I am saying, doing, or leading with, filled with the fruits of His spirit? If not, how can I shift my perspective of my day?  

I can thank Him for all of the blessings in my life. I can also thank Him that he is still there in my trials leading me gently with His hand and whispering in my ear.  I can praise Him because He is holy and worthy. I can ask Him to guide my steps throughout the entire day. To renew my mind and my heart, that they would reflect His goodness. That He would fill my speech with grace and love and that I would have the desire and self-discipline to tame my tongue. That anything displeasing to him would not leave my mouth.  

As we do this, we are allowing God to direct our steps and lead our way. And although this does not mean our day will be filled with gum drops and lollipops, it does mean that we are armed with His power. That we are focused and can conquer our day with the love of Christ. And if and when we fall, we can fully trust, his grace is sufficient for us. 

Life.Church

You're still a mother...

Mother's Day used to be nothing but a joyous occasion.  It was a day of celebration - of me, of all the women that have had the wonderful privilege of raising their children.  That's exciting.  To be recognized for the hard work that is your life as a mom...  But what happens when that is taken away from you?

I had 2 miscarriages, 2 years apart.  The first miscarriage, I was only 9 weeks.  We have no idea why it happened.  The baby just didn't continue forming.  I always felt very strongly that it was a boy, so we decided to name him Aidan. Then in 2011, I got pregnant again.  We were so happy, and scared.  Afraid to tell people too soon, because of the previous miscarriage, but we didn't wait long to tell the world!  The pregnancy began just as my other ones.  I was so sick I was bedridden. Then, at 13 weeks, I started to feel the baby kick.  13 weeks?! That was so soon! But there was no denying it. Once you feel your baby move, all of a sudden it becomes so real.  Not that it wasn't before, but when you can feel the life inside of you moving, it changes everything!  I started showing quickly, which is exciting.  There is always a point early on in your pregnancy where you just feel like you look fat! It's not quite a bump, it's a little pudgy...so you stick your gut out, just so people will think your pregnant :)

I couldn't wait to find out if the baby was a boy or a girl.  Of course, I knew it was a girl...no matter what anyone said.  Our doctor told us it would be at our 19 week appointment that we could find out the gender.  But at 16 weeks, my stomach stopped growing.  It was a strange feeling.  My baby wasn't kicking me anymore, and I wasn't sick anymore.  It felt like my stomach was deflating.  People would say "Wow!! You don't look that pregnant!"  My 19 week appointment came around, and I was terrified of going inside the imaging room.  As I lay down, the technician began the ultrasound but she didn't say a word.  Eventually, she left the room, in what looked to me, in tears.  Someone else came back into our room and asked us to go to the building next door where our Dr. was, so we could talk to him.  They wouldn't tell us what was wrong, which only meant one thing.

Once we arrived, they took us back to a room and told us the news.  Our baby had died, at what seemed to be 16 weeks.

I broke down. I couldn't believe this was happening again.  I was so angry and sad and confused.

They told me they couldn't get me in for another 10 days to deliver my baby.  So just a few days after mother's day, I had to give birth to my dead child.  It was just like any labor and delivery.  I had to get to the hospital at 5 in the morning so they could begin the process.  Eventually my contractions began.  They were so excruciating and I had no idea how long it would last or if it would get any worse, so I asked for an epidural.  But as they were walking in the door, I delivered my child.

They swept the baby away to be cleaned and tested.  Eventually they came back into my room and told us it was a girl.  They brought her to me wrapped in a baby blanket and let us be with her.  At only 16 weeks gestation, she had eyes, a nose, itty bitty fingers and toes, and lean long legs.

After a while we let my children come see her.  They were so mature about the whole situation.  They asked lots of questions, touched her hand and cried with me. During the week leading up to delivery, I battled whether or not I wanted pictures.  In the end, we decided to do so, and are so glad we did.

Soon, the doctor came and told us that it looked like she wasn't getting fed, because her umbilical cord was shredded as it entered her stomach.  That there was nothing we could have done, and sometimes these things happen.

A week later on a stormy, rainy day, we buried our precious Piper Isabella Price.

To this day, anytime someone asks my children how many brothers and sisters they have, they always include both babies.  Just the other day, we were flying back from a wonderful Disney World vacation, and someone asked my son about his family.... and he immediately started talking about Piper and Aidan, and how they were in heaven.

 I will always be grateful that I was able to carry my little ones, if only for a little while.
 My two precious babies, who so early on became citizens of heaven, will forever hold a special place in my heart.  It brings me peace to know that from the instant that they left this world, they were in the arms of Jesus with no chance for hurt, pain, despair, or tears. 

For those of you who have ever lost a child... whether you only carried him for a day, if he hadn't left the womb yet, whether he only survived for a few seconds, a few days, or a few years.
You are still a mother...    You are still a mother...   You are still a mother.

Your child mattered.

During your despair, people normally don't ever say the right thing.  Forgive them. They do not understand.  They can't begin to fathom the gut wrenching feeling of losing a child. They may say something hurtful...forgive them.  The Lord is your Comforter, and your Healer, not people.

 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well. 
 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 
 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be. - Psalm 139:13-16

Mother's Day is always a bittersweet day.  But I want to share with you a song that brings me to tears, but still gives me the joy that one day I will see them again, and spend eternity with our Lord and Savior.  

https://youtu.be/qmrXdjilmaY

Trusting in Him

I used to cringe at the thought of homeschooling my children.  You know the stereotype.  Non-social, highly religious, clog wearing weirdo's.  I was terrified to be labeled one of these things.  Although my husband's family was homeschooled up until their wonderful mother passed away, I never would have known that they were homeschooled.  They were VERY social, outgoing, funny and fun to be around.  But maybe they weren't the "norm".

We get so caught up it close-minded non sense.  People love to judge something they know nothing about, right?  That's how the world turns.

As soon as we had children, my husband asked me if I would homeschool.  My answer:  "Heck no! Are you crazy?"  I said this for 5 years....

Well, once it was time for my daughter to begin kindergarten, I was in a panic!  I was still refusing to homeschool, but was unwilling to place her in public school.  My experience in public school was one I wouldn't want my child to experience.   Disclaimer: Now, please hear me.  That does NOT mean that people shouldn't send their child to public school.  I am not judging anyone's choices.  This was MY personal struggle.

I was a stay at home mom.  My husband was a youth minister at the time, so you can imagine, there wasn't much money rolling in.  So, I took 2 part-time jobs, solely to pay for my daughter to go to private school.  It was great! Up until I never saw her.   Here's a peak into how our day looked: I woke her up at 6:30a.m so she could shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, and then we would drive to school 25 minutes away so we could get there by 8:00a.m. Once I dropped her off, I would drop my husband off at work, then drive 25 minutes to my job.  My father-in-law would then pick up my son from my work and take him to school, because my job started 10 minutes before he was allowed to be there. Once I got off work at my first job, I would then go to my second job, 2 days a week.  On the days I didn't work both jobs, I would get as much done as humanly possible before I had to pick up my daughter, then my son, then take my daughter to ballet, then pick up my husband.  Finally, we were home, but the kids were fast asleep.  I would make dinner and once it was ready, I would wake the kids.  Now that dinner was over, it was time to do homework.  Frankly, I was surprised that my 5 year old had homework and my 7 year old had so much homework he would be in tears by the time we finished.  Now it was time for 30 minutes of hanging out as a family then time for bed....  Are you exhausted yet?

30 minutes??? Are you kidding me??!!

I couldn't accept the fact that I was only getting 30 minutes of quality time with my children.  Rushing, hustling, and pushing them around was not how I wanted to spend the next 13 years.   I had a serious "come to Jesus" moment.  I dove into everything homeschool.  I had to research and pick it apart before I could accept the fact that I was even considering homeschooling! This was a huge decision and a complete lifestyle change.

The things I was most fearful of was, "How am I going to teach my child how to read?" "Is my child going to have any friends?" "Am I going to be able to give my child a good education?"

After a lot of prayer and talking with other families, we made the decision to homeschool!  It has been one of the best decisions we've ever made.

Guess what?! My child is and always has been extremely outgoing.  She is my social butterfly.  She has lots of friends!  Friends from church, friends from Classical Conversations (a homeschool program 1 day a week) and randoms BFF's when we walk into Chic-Fil-A!   I taught her how to read and write, how to add, subtract and multiply.  I was jumping for joy that this was actually happening.

All the fears and uncertainties came from not knowing anything about it! The fear also came from placing such a huge decision on myself alone.  The first thing I should have done was gone to God.  He is the author of life.  He is the beginning and the end.  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you, not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. - Jeremiah 29:11-13

We always place fear in the unknown.  Whether its moving to a new place, getting a new job, trying something we never in a million years thought we'd do.

What step are you afraid of taking in your life?  Is it whether or not to homeschool?  Taking that leap to becoming your own boss? Switching jobs?  It could be any number of things.

I like the saying, "Before you go to the phone, go to the throne." The Lord knows what you need.  He knows the desires of your heart.  He knows what is best for your family.  Trust in Him.